The unicorn is a mythical species of horse that is extremely hard, if not impossible to catch. Essentially, it’s an elusive horse with a special type of horn that looks like a pointy rabbit vibrator. This horn can make any girl orgasm (even the ones without a clit), cure any disease, neutralize poison, resurrect the dead, remove cancer, kill ISIS, clean baby seals, remove the bad ozone, etc. This thing can do the works, which is why it is the most sought after object in the world. The Aladdin lamp and the gay ginger’s pot of gold do not compare to the power of the unicorn horn. Wars have been fought, Jews have been killed, and blood has been shed on every continent for this prized possession. A unicorn horn will give you more power than Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power.
First you have to find the unicorn. then you have to saw off the horn so you can utilize the power of the horn that’s the equivalent of 9001 Super Saiyan Ashkenazi Jews. Here at Uhriginal, we’re going to show you how exactly you can lure and catch a unicorn. You need to be a male who’s a virgin, overweight, has 1337 video game skills, and have a serious addiction to porn. For without these male super powers, you will not be able lure a unicorn.
Only virgins can get near a unicorn. If you’re some chad that’s been banging girls since you were in 8th grade, you are shit out of luck. We’re talking about a full out virgin; that means you never kissed a girl on the lips, never put your small penis in a tight vag, never PITTB, never fingered a tight vag, and never ever had kind of sexual relation with that of the opposite sex. We’re talking about a total loser who will never get laid unless he pays a blind hooker to do the deed. The older you are with your virginity intact, the easier it will be to lure that unicorn. You see virgins have an aura that attracts unicorns and this aura gets stronger with age. This aura disappears when you lose your virginity, and without your virginity, you have a better chance at winning the lottery than catching a unicorn.
In addition to a well-aged virginity, you must be overweight. Most history books and abbes say that your body fat should be north of 25%. The reason why is that when you’re a fat fuck, you appear less intimidating to unicorns. If you look like some 6’5’’ muscular body builder, no unicorn will ever get near you since you look like you can fuck. Looking like you can fuck from a physical standpoint will reduce your super virgin aura in the eyes of the unicorn. We don’t suggest you get morbidly obese since morbidly obese people tend to smell like rotten dog shit and no one, not even horny unicorns, will want to get near you.
1337 Video Game Skills
First you attract the the unicorn, then you catch it. With a gut that puts Santa Claus to shame and an uber-virginity to lure the Unicorn, you then need 1337 video game skills to catch the damn thing. A man who can do a 360 quick no scope quadruple headshot kill is a person who will not struggle to catch a unicorn. If you can defeat anyone in FIFA 13 using a 2 star Mexican team, you will not struggle to catch a unicorn. If you can complete the whole course of Mario Kart 64 in less than 30 minutes, you will not struggle to catch a unicorn. If you play League of Legends, you need to you kill yourself right now. For a man that possess this godly skills will have the experience and tactical knowledge to handle to catch the horned horse. The more experience you gain, the more you level up, the easier it will be for you to catch the unicorn.
Serious Porn Addiction
Finally, one must possess a serious porn addiction to see a unicorn. For a man who has a serious porn addiction has seen it all and will not flinch at the sight of a majestic unicorn. Years and years of desensitizing to the normal will bring much power to the man who seeks to catch a unicorn. Your brain gets rewired after years of violent bukake porn, giving you unicorn vision. This is why it was impossible to catch a unicorn before the age of the internet. Before the internet, the only men capable of reaching such levels were Genghis Khan and Hugh Hefner, as these men have fucked thousands of HBs and have been desensitize to the normal. However, they will never be able to get near a unicorn since they lost their virginity in the process. So go out there, watch all the porn you can handle if you want to catch a unicorn. We have presented you the secrets and powers required to lure and catch a unicorn, now go make us proud.