This article is dedicated to all our broke college students who are tired of that ramen and water diet. This is for those people who ran out of food stamps and still want that filet mignon. This is for the people who walk by the fancy chocolate aisle, see that aged chocolate bar made with Amazonian sea salt and Cambodian slave-grown sugar, but wont buy it because it costs $6.99.

You can dine like a king or like a single man on food stamps with this life hack I’m about to tell you. You can go to a store, pick any food item you want and enjoy it later on at no cost. Anything that’s food, it can be yours for free but it comes with a risk. It is the five finger discount, also known as stealing. It can land you in jail you wont want to drop the soap or lead to the biggest embarrassment of your broke ass life, but only if you get caught. We’re going to show you how not to get caught so you can make some grilled shrimp while drinking some canned coconut juice for FREE.

The stores you want to do this at are not your small mom and pop shops or your local arab owned corner store, for the people working at these places monitor potential thieves like hawks. The stores that will increase your chances of success are those YUGE retail chain stores that sell food/groceries such as Walmart, Target, and even Trader Joes. Big retails are the perfect target for two reason: No one cares if you steal and food does not have alarm tags.

If you ever worked retail or talked with any employee at these stores you will realize not a single person gives fuck about the store or their profit margins. No one cares if you steal besides the loser manager that’s making a career out of retail or the loss prevention guy. As such, when you walk into the store, you have to be quick and not look suspicious at all. When we say not look suspicious at all, that means don’t dress like ghetto trash or look like a crackhead. Dress like an average person and head to your target. Make sure no store employee is around and that the loss prevention guy isn’t following you. Grab that steak, put it in your pants, then head to the exit like nothing happen.

The best part: the food will not set-off the alarms by the exit. No one puts those RFID tags on steaks or donuts or anything that’s food. Many people believe if you walk out the door with bananas you have not paid for, that it will set off the alarms. That’s false because we worked retail grocery during our teen years and have seen plenty crack heads take those baby-back ribs through those alarm with no sound going off. Heck, we even remember that one time a guy walked into the store with a book bag, stuffed it with food and let him walk away without setting off the alarms because we gave no fucks. The best part: no one is monitoring you through the cameras. They only check the cameras if you get caught, so DON’T GET CAUGHT.

Don’t feel bad about this, retail grocery stores write-off like 10-20% of their inventory for theft, so they are expecting people to steal. In reality, you are not hurting their budgeted profit margins. Just remember, don’t get caught. If you do, we don’t know you and you don’t know us.


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